Fighting The Fear

Fear: why do we let it hold us back? It’s something I think about often. I’ve always thought of myself as a strong willed person, I mean, I got the courage to finally leave an abusive household with nothing but the clothes on my back and cut off toxic people from my life, and I consider that pretty damn brave. But, that part of my life is for a whole different kind of blog post. For the most part, I’ve stayed pretty quiet about my personal issues, even on my last blog with thousands of followers and views. This is the thing I don’t like about social media and blogging: the parts of my life I curate are just small portions of what goes on behind the scenes, and I know I’m not the only one who does this, that’s just how it is. For the last couple of years I have been like a duck on water, calm to see but paddling frantically to stay afloat. I’ve been both mentally and physically exhausted, and I have no one to blame but myself for this. I chose to work as much as I have–choosing not to take breaks for the extra money, staying up late to get all of my assignments done, taking too many classes, letting people walk all over me, and being too hard on my body with the crazy dieting. I pushed myself more than I should have and it was all because of fear.

What if I end up falling behind in my classes?
What if I can’t pay my bills?
What if I’m not good enough?
What if I end up gaining all that weight I lost back?
What if I repeat the cycle?
What if I fail?

What if
What if
What if

So what I’m getting to is, it will involve some serious thinking, planning and working but believe you me this year will be a fresh new start for me; one where I take control of my life and own my decisions. 2017 will not be a year of fear, it will be a year of success in what ever I choose to do, and I hope it’s the same for you, too.

Wish me luck.


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